In the style of the Onion

This is the press release that should have crossed my desk today.  Three points and bragging rights if you even get what I'm talking about...

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TWITTER, The Internet. Citing a recent report using data that is entirely suspect and out of date, the ____ office claimed today that the ___ in HHS is not doing enough to make its job easier.  "They've got this money they are spending, and they aren't focusing on our issues." claims department head ___ ",so we issued this report, because, well, it looks pretty good that we did this work, even if it was a while ago, and it splashes a lot of mud on somebody else."

"After all, who cares if the program we analyzed isn't even going on any more, or that it was hastily erected to be replaced by something more permanent.  Surely if they skimped here, they messed up elsewhere. Right? And while we're at it, it looks pretty good if we drag ____ agency into the fray.  There the guys who are supposed to know all the standards on this stuff, whereas we can barely spell the acronyms for some of these SOD things."